NYC - THE LAND OF THE NOT SO FREE

It seems like everything in this city is just ridiculously priced for the sake of being expensive, even when it doesn't have to be. Movie tickets are $10.50 each. (And Hollywood is complaining that movie attendance is down!) Food, booze, rent, the cost of ANYTHING in NYC is through the yuppie roof deck. And if you think about it, it really doesn't make any logical sense. The idea of cities, originally, was that by congregating a lot of people into a small area, you could CUT the costs of everything, because there would be more people to hire services, pay for things, and all around utilize the city. But as we see today, this is simply not the way it is.

At 88 Orchard, a trendy spot near Lolita Bar in LES/Chinatown, you can buy a lame, shabby wilted-lettuce salad for $8. It's supposed to come with avocado, and it does - one half of a small sliver. COME ON, you yuppie garbage. Do you have to rip people off just for the sake of it? Would it hurt to actually put avocado in a salad that is supposed to come with avocado? Can you ask for more avocado? Who do you ask? The stoned out hipster behind the bar who thinks you're a dick for even expecting him to do his job, let alone provide decent customer service? If you complain, people think you're an asshole. We live in a society where it is considered wrong to speak up when you are treated like shit.

A friend saw some kids selling lemonade and brownies the other day on a side street in the 20s. Each tiny dixie cup of lemonade and ice cube sized brownie cost $2. Kids are taught from birth to be greedy, fat little assholes. That is why this city is, today, full of, and even run by greedy, fat big assholes.

The elevator in our building broke - two weeks ago! After slithering up six flights of stairs in sweltering 100 degree weather day after day for a week, I asked the super when it would be fixed. He said the elevator company said they'd come and they kept not coming. He actually even GAVE ME the elevator number so I could call and complain, which I joyfully did, but it was all for naught, I realized, as the operator hung up on me with glee when she learned I was just a lousy tenant in the building and no one of any importance.

Why is it so hard for New Yorkers to give? For some reason, most New Yorkers are trained, or taught to take, and give as little as possible.

It's not hard to be kind. It doesn't cost anything to be kind. It doesn't do you any favors to be a greedy, selfish asshole.

My boss, who is a very wealthy jewish man once told me the secret to being rich. He said, "You have to make a decision about money without using any conscience or emotion. You have to consider - which way will make me the most money?" The conversation was in regards to him buying a building in the West Village and kicking out all the tenants with one day notice to leave.
I do hope that someday New Yorkers will learn the value of kindness and conscience. However, I have a feeling that the only hope New York has is that it might be destroyed by an atomic bomb.

Here is a dare for anyone who reads this: Do something nice for a stranger today. Hold a door. Help an old lady across the street. Pet someone's poor dog that they left sitting on the sidewalk like an abandoned baby. It won't get you anything. It won't put money into your pocket. It won't get you a raise at work. It won't get you on The Apprentice. But it will put some humanity back into your cold, hardened heart, you turd. And if you're not a turd...well...then, keep on doing what you're doing. The world needs more non-turds.

WHITE GLOVE SERVICE

I went to a party out on Long Island this past weekend for my friend Frank Morano, who just turned 21. At the party were an assortment of strange celebrities - Richard Bey was there, who, in case you don't remember was Jerry Springer before Jerry Springer came along, and Joe Franklin was there as well, who, in case you don't know, is a talk show host legend in his own rite.

Frank Morano is a spitfire go-getter who is involved with the Staten Island Independence Party, he produces radio shows at WABC and runs his own cable access show on Staten Island TV called "Moranovision". The last time I went to one of Frank's parties, it was themed around him breaking the Guinness World Record for the longest steady broadcast or something...where his show aired for 36 hours or maybe longer. At the end, The Real Kramer gave me a ride home.

So, it's usually a very interesting, bizarre time whenever Frank is involved.

His party was held at a caitering hall on Staten Island. It was a fancy enough spot, with a crystal chandelier hanging from the center of the room, big round tables with name cards, and FOUR forks beside every place setting! The soft, chewy dinner roll came accompanied by two perfectly round butter balls that looked like they were made of white chocolate. But here's the most impressive part:

The hired help had white gloves.

I don't know if white gloves are supposed to indicate something in particular - mob affiliations, respect for Jesus, loving everything to be clean, Japan people pushers, who knows? But god damn, the service was EXCELLENT. Too good, almost. It was the kind of service where you even hint at a request and your expectations are exceeded. I might say, "Hm..., I'm kind of thirsty..." rhetorically, and not even knowing anyone heard me, three waiters arrive at my side, one with coffee, one with water, and one asking to take a drink order.

Wierd!

I almost have no complaints. The only thing I have to complain about is that by the end of the night, all the white gloves were filthy brown from being so god damn servicy.

In contrast. Loew's Movie Complex in Times Square is a different story. I went on Tuesday to see Star Wars, which by the way was excellent in my opinion, and I fucking HATE Star Wars. I went expecting to fall asleep. But more about that on Jessy Delfino's Blog.

When we got there, of course there was a big long line. Two people were working the registers. At one point, the male register worker said, "I'm going on my break." He shut down his register and just walked away, leaving one lone woman to deal with the whole, long irritated line. As the guy was sauntering away all proud of himself, I decided to embarrass him.

"Are you going to just leave her alone with this whole long line of people?" I asked incredulously. He got a little bit flustered and quickly jumped into the elevator.

Half of you are cursing me, calling me a bitch inside. "How could she do that? Doesn't she know he's only getting paid $8 per hour?" The other half are saying, "Good. I know how much it sucks to wait in a long line because of lousy service."

Is the fault Loews, for only paying their employees $8 per hour? Is the fault the guy's, for working at a job he probably hates? Is the fault his mother's or father's, for not instilling a good work ethic in him? Or is the fault mine, for giving a turd about whether service is good or not?